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Newswise – Debates about children and screens seem to grow louder each day. They happen at school board meetings, pediatric visits, and dinner tables. In a recent interview, two psychologists at Yale Child Study Center (YCSC) shared some tips for parents and caregivers.
Public debate on the topic is often extreme, and families may feel pressured to protect kids from the harms of screen time. “This can feel overwhelming, and not being successful in reducing screen time can make parents feel like a failure,” says Jacqueline Britt-Friedman, PsyD.
“The amount of screen time a child has matters, but it is just as important to step back and focus on the child’s needs,” adds Tamique Ridgard Peters, PhD.
How harmful is screen time for children?
Some argue that all screen use is harmful and should be treated the same way. Britt-Friedman and Ridgard see it as more complicated. It’s good to know how much time a child is using screens. It’s also helpful to look at what screen use is doing in a child’s life and in the family. A more holistic approach includes paying attention to:
What children or teens are watching or doing
Whether they are mainly using screens alone or sharing digital experiences
If they are using platforms with good stopping points, long-form content, and active engagement
They point out that children differ in temperament, maturity, and needs. It’s important to consider whether digital media is helping the child or family, or if it is not. For example, apps with breathing exercises for anxiety or technology that helps with communication can be helpful. But children who have trouble with attention or emotions may find it harder to stop using screens, and this can make transitions difficult.
There is no “one size fits all” answer, but some important things to consider are:
The child’s strengths, challenges, and needs
What’s happening at specific times of day
How digital tools can be helpful—think about whether they support development or replace skill-building
What can parents do?
Parents who are worried about screens can start by mapping their “digital landscape” at home. When Britt-Friedman and Ridgard work with families at YCSC Westport, they ask them to describe a typical day—including when both children and the adults in the house use digital devices. They ask what parents are worried about and what’s going well.
They also pay attention to how and why devices are used. In many homes, Ridgard notes, screens can be a tool—sometimes for connection, sometimes for downtime. They can also become a default solution when families are exhausted or overwhelmed. If this becomes a problem, an “accountability partner” can help, or apps that track screen use.
Digital habits at all ages can become unconscious over time. “Some of the most effective changes start with adults,” she says. This can include:
Modeling healthy phone habits (including not having a phone in hand all the time)
Setting boundaries around notifications and work
Using planned downtime for intentional connection
Keeping a calm, neutral tone when discussing screens
What should parents avoid? The clinicians point to guilt, shame, and judgment. “Many caregivers equate screen decisions with being a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ parent, which can increase stress and negatively impact parent-child relationships,” says Britt-Friedman. “As parents, we are always doing our best, and when we’re kind to ourselves, we can parent from a place of love and compassion rather than self-doubt and insecurity”, says Ridgard.
In a series of workshops to help parents manage screen time, Britt-Friedman and Ridgard help families focus on connection, self-regulation, and joy. This can make an impact even before families begin to change the ways they use screens at home.
Working on connection can be simple. This can happen when family members are in the same space, interacting. They might be talking, making eye contact, and doing something side-by-side, instead of isolating behind separate devices.
Making sure a child’s basic needs are met matters, too. Getting enough sleep, physical activity, healthy foods, downtime, play, and time outside all make an impact on child health and wellbeing. These are key to healthy growth and development, and joy matters, too.
Goals in each of these areas can start with “baby steps,” or small, meaningful changes that make daily life feel more manageable and more enjoyable. Major changes or strict rules can fall apart within a week. They can also lead to resentment and a less joyful household.
Clear household routines and habits help most, especially when they protect sleep and foster connection. For example, screen-free meals, device “charging stations” outside bedrooms, and predictable morning and bedtime routines. “Sleep is sacred,” says Britt-Friedman.
What tends to backfire? “High-emotion, reactive decisions; fear-based messaging; inconsistent enforcement; and using screens as the main soothing tool in moments of distress,” says Britt-Friedman. Avoid relying on devices to change behavior. When electronics are used to stop every tantrum or anxiety spike, children may miss chances to develop healthy coping skills.
Prevention is a better strategy. Plan ahead for times that may be stressful or difficult, such as trips to the grocery store. Is it after school, after practice, or other times when kids are tired? Talk about what you expect ahead of time. Reward good behavior instead of negotiating during a meltdown. Teach calming strategies that can work with or without a device.
There are some real concerns about the impacts of social media, especially related to certain content. Upsetting images or videos can be harmful. Social media can also create conflict—but digital media can be helpful, too. It can inspire creativity. It can also support friendships and family connections. To know whether social media is helping or harming children, pay attention to how they are using it and how they are doing overall.
Two main “red flags” are dependence on devices and interference with daily life. If someone feels like they “need” a screen to sit down and eat, calm down, or function—or if devices are disrupting routines and relationships—it’s time to seek support. In these cases, Ridgard advises, “Ask for help earlier than later. You don’t have to wait for it to become a bigger issue.”
What does “healthy digital media use” look like?
When asked what success looks like, both psychologists reject the idea of a “normal” day. A healthy routine is variable and should match a family’s structure and a child’s developmental stage. Some common signs are:
Children are sleeping well and getting physical activity.
Families are spending time outside and not focused only on screen-based entertainment.
There are at least some screen-free times and spaces at home to support real connection.
Children are learning to regulate emotions and behavior without needing a device. They need these skills in life, including in classrooms, sports, and friendships.
New research findings—including through studies underway at YCSC—may help parents decide when the time is right for a smartphone or social media. There are many guidelines and recommendations for screen time use. There are also suggested ages for using social media and smartphones, but even children who are the same age may be ready at different times.
“Given potential negative health outcomes and exposure to inappropriate content, particularly for younger youth, delaying access is advisable,” says Britt-Friedman. At the same time, families can look for signs of readiness such as:
Taking responsibility
Following rules appropriately
The ability to self-regulate within daily routines
It can help to allow access gradually and pay attention to how it’s going. Is the child happier or less happy? More connected or more isolated? More regulated or more reactive? Peer pressure is often the biggest challenge. “That makes it even more important to move at an individual pace—and to keep conversations open as a child’s needs change,” says Ridgard. “Collaborating with other parents can bolster efforts and decrease the pressure,” adds Britt-Friedman.
Guidance changes as children grow, partly because they become more independent. Britt-Friedman and Ridgard suggest some degree of parental monitoring and supervision for children of all ages. “Younger children and those who may have more trouble managing it need more,” they say.
As children show more maturity and responsibility, parents can slowly step back—and having ongoing, open conversations about healthy habits, values, and boundaries is helpful no matter how old a child or teen is. Before children or teens gain more online independence, adults should help them build skills that support safety and maturity, including:
Understanding privacy and the impacts of sharing personal information
Treating others appropriately
Handling unwanted content
Recognizing what feels comfortable or uncomfortable
Naming feelings and knowing how to ask for help
Reflecting on how screen use affects mood, routines, and relationships
Understanding the nature of technology
Families today are under pressure. Many are struggling to navigate a world where digital media is everywhere. What works for one household may not work for another. The goal is not perfection. It’s a thoughtful, flexible plan that prioritizes development, protects key routines like sleep, and makes room for real connection. What parents need to know, says Britt-Friedman, is that they are not alone.
Related News
Original release: https://medicine.yale.edu/news-article/screen-time-and-social-media-how-can-parents-help-kids-thrive-in-a-digital-world/
